Tips To Spice Up Your Sex Life
The beginner’s guide to kinky sex, from role play to bondage gear and beyond.
If you've read Fifty Shades of Grey or been to an adult store, you might think you understand kinky sex. But pop culture often misrepresents it.
Kinky sex experiments with sexual boundaries, sometimes involving spanking. It also has emotional, physical, and spiritual benefits that can improve relationships and self-esteem. Surprised? Keep reading...
I spoke to a bodyworker, gynecologist, and sex expert about the pros and cons of exploring kink. We share 26 tips for having a positive, safe, sexy experience:
What is kinky sex?
Sexual attitudes have changed, as has what's seen as risque in bed. Now kinky sex is anything unconventional - not kissing, vaginal sex, masturbation, or oral sex. But everyone has a different definition. "Kinky sex means different things to different people across a spectrum," says the bodyworker. "But it utilizes fantasy, role play, power dynamics - not just intercourse."
The reality is that you can establish your own unconventional sexual boundaries. So if you and your partner take pleasure in experimenting in ways that feel unrestrained, provocative, and eccentric to you, then that characterizes your kinkiness. 'Kinky intimacy entails incorporating something that enhances your experience,' Sheppard explains. 'Instances of kinky intimacy may include: acting out sexual fantasies, utilizing toys like butt plugs, sex whip & floggers or pussy pumps, using restraints or bondage or including additional people - threesomes, or group intimacy.'
Attitudes towards kinky sex are evolving, but engaging in sexual activities outside conventional norms often still comes with judgment and stigma.
Research exploring sexual fantasies found that kink frequently came up, indicating it's more common than some think. Kinky sex is not as weird or unusual as some perceive.
The biggest misconception is that kinky sex only involves bondage and sadomasochism. While those activities certainly occur, kink encompasses more.
There's also a false idea that the dominant partner is in control, when frequently it's the opposite. Usually the dominant is performing that role to satisfy their partner who desires submission. So the submissive is often directing things.
The biggest misconception is that kinky sex only involves bondage and sadomasochism. While those activities certainly occur, kink encompasses more.
There's also a false idea that the dominant partner is in control, when frequently it's the opposite. Usually the dominant is performing that role to satisfy their partner who desires submission. So the submissive is often directing things.
Engaging in consensual kinky sex can provide various benefits beyond just pleasure. A study found that couples who willingly participated in positive BDSM activities had lower stress hormone levels and felt closer with their partner afterwards.
Understanding your own sexual desires is crucial, since sexual health is a key component of overall wellbeing. Exploring kinks can be considered an act of self-care, as taking ownership of your pleasure and knowing what arouses you is really important for your wellness.
There's also a social benefit. Finding your community and connecting with others who share your fantasies can be validating. Being able to openly discuss turn-ons without judgment is an amazing experience. The kink lifestyle has a large community aspect, with local meetups and regular events across the UK that allow for this openness.
Kinky sex can be exciting, but safety should always come first.
Before trying anything new, do your homework to make sure you'll enjoy it. Ease into intense activities slowly so you can discover your comfort zone. Open communication with partners about hard limits and expectations is essential. Agree on a safe word to stop immediately if anyone feels uncomfortable.
Take precautions with bondage - never leave a tied-up partner unattended even for a second. Afterwards, check in with aftercare and affection to process the experience.
With the right precautions, kinky sex can be thrilling for all involved. The key is going at your own pace, setting clear boundaries, and keeping communication open every step of the way.